When a death occurs, please contact the rabbi as soon as possible. Our rabbi and cantor officiate at the funerals for members of the congregation and their immediate families. The rabbi will visit the bereaved family as soon as possible to offer comfort, to discuss the funeral service and to provide such guidance as the individual situation may require. If the service takes place at a funeral home or synagogue, friends are encouraged to accompany the family to the cemetery, where a short interment service is conducted. Kaddish is recited for the first time by the mourners at the end of this service.
Kaddish is a prayer praising God that is recited at the end of most formal services. It is also recited by the mourners for the appropriate period of mourning, traditionally eleven months. Traditional mourners include the deceased’s children, siblings, parents and spouse. Reform Judaism recognizes the duty of reciting kaddish regardless of gender.
Shiva, from the Hebrew meaning seven, begins as the family returns home from the cemetery. Mourners are encouraged to remain at home for seven days. Upon return from the cemetery, the mourners kindle a candle which is furnished by the funeral director, which will burn for seven days. On Shabbat, mourners traditionally leave home to attend services at the synagogue, where kaddish is said. During shiva, the community will help provide for the mourners’ needs, in particular food for the meal of consolation after the funeral and during the week and a minyan for services at home to enable mourners to say kaddish. While seven days feels like a long time to step away from regular life, it is an observance which gives family the space to begin mourning, to be comforted by the community, and to begin processing their loss.
Sheloshim is the thirty-day period (including shiva) when normal life gradually resumes and the mourners return to their necessary daily activities while continuing to observe some aspects of mourning. Kaddish is said at services in the synagogue during sheloshim and then throughout the rest of the year. At Emanu-El, the name of the deceased will be read before kaddish at all Shabbat evening services during sheloshim. Mourners traditionally avoid joyful social events and entertainment during sheloshim. This is the traditionally prescribed period of mourning for relatives other than parents. The eleven-month period concludes the full mourning period for those mourning their parents.
It is a mitzvah to observe the yahrzeit (the anniversary of the day of death) with the recitation of kaddish at synagogue services. It is customary to light a yahrzeit candle on the eve of the yahrzeit date, which burns for 24 hours. On the Shabbat immediately after the yahrzeit, the deceased’s name will be read before kaddish as long as the family belongs to the congregation. The family will be notified by the congregation of the yahrzeit and of the date when the name will be read.
If the family has placed a memorial plaque in our synagogue, the deceased’s name will be read in perpetuity on the Shabbat immediately after the yahrzeit. You may order a memorial plaque here.
It is customary to conduct a simple service to dedicate the monument which marks the grave of the deceased. This service, sometimes called an unveiling, may occur at any time after sheloshim, but generally is scheduled around the conclusion of the year of mourning. Upon request from the family, the rabbi or cantor will conduct such a service of dedication.